… The world will not glide calmly toward the Second Coming of the Savior. The scriptures declare that “all things shall be in commotion.” Brigham Young said, “It was revealed to me in the commencement of this Church, that the Church would spread, prosper, grow and extend, and that in proportion to the spread of the Gospel among the nations of the earth, so would the power of Satan rise.”

And we are seeing that today. The ancient Apostle Paul taught, 

… In the last days perilous times shall come.

 

For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, …  false accusers, … despisers of those that are good, … highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

 

Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away (2 Timothy 3:1-5).

But the signs of the last days fit into a bigger picture that, if not understood correctly, can be misleading and terrifying. The summer of COVID spiraled out of control in a way that is scary but not really surprising if we look at the signs of the times. Let me explain.

COVID, Rioting and Spiritual Symptoms of the Last Days

The Savior taught His disciples signs to look for before His Second Coming. Christ said,

Many shall come in my name, saying I am Christ; and shall deceive many.

 

And ye shall hear of wars and rumors of wars…. For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.

 

All these are the beginning of sorrows (Matthew 24:5-8).

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said,

Prophecies regarding the last days often refer to large-scale calamities such as earthquakes or famines or floods. These in turn may be linked to widespread economic or political upheavals of one kind or another.

COVID would fit into the category of a large-scale calamity that can easily be linked to widespread upheavals and misinformation. While we often think of the last days in terms of natural disasters and wars, the pandemic is highlighting the spiritual afflictions that were also prophesied. Elder Holland continued, 

… There is one kind of latter-day destruction that has always sounded to me more personal than public, more individual than collective—a warning, perhaps more applicable inside the Church than outside it. The Savior warned that in the last days even those of the covenant, the very elect, could be deceived by the enemy of truth. If we think of this as a form of spiritual destruction, it may cast light on another latter-day prophecy. Think of the heart as the figurative center of our faith, the poetic location of our loyalties and our values; then consider Jesus’s declaration that in the last days “men’s hearts [shall fail] them.”

COVID began a summer of uncertainty, and in this climate, it’s not surprising that protesting turned to rioting and looting. And why? Because people’s hearts were failing them. 

When Hearts Fail

I know this sounds simplistic. But in the larger picture, it begins to make sense. John the Revelator spoke of a war in heaven in which Michael the archangel and his followers beat the dragon, who is Satan, and those who followed him. Satan and his followers—one-third of the host of heaven—were cast out. (See Revelations 12:7-9.) Of this conflict, Elder Bruce R. McConkie explained,

What kind of war? The same kind that prevails on earth; the only kind Satan and spirit beings can wage—a war of words, a tumult of opinions, a conflict of ideologies; a war between truth and error, between light and darkness. … And the battle lines are still drawn. It is now on earth as it was then in heaven; every man must choose which general he will follow (Doctrinal New Testament Commentary, 3:518).

This battle of good against evil continues today. President Russell M. Nelson taught,

The Book of Mormon chronicles the classic rise and fall of two major civilizations. Their history demonstrates how easy it is for a majority of the people to forget God, reject warnings of the Lord’s prophets, and seek power, popularity, and pleasures of the flesh. Repeatedly, past prophets have declared “great and marvelous things unto the people, which they did not believe.”

 

It is no different in our day. Through the years, great and marvelous things have been heard from dedicated pulpits across the earth. Yet most people do not embrace these truths—either because they do not know where to look for them or because they are listening to those who do not have the whole truth or because they have rejected truth in favor of worldly pursuits.

The adversary is clever. For millennia he has been making good look evil and evil look good.

When Evil Looks Good

Satan is a master at disguising good as evil and evil as good. And it is becoming increasingly difficult to decipher between the two. President Dallin H. Oaks taught,

Evil that used to be localized and covered like a boil is now legalized and paraded like a banner. The most fundamental roots and bulwarks of civilization are questioned or attacked. Nations disavow their religious heritage. Marriage and family responsibilities are discarded as impediments to personal indulgence. The movies and magazines and television that shape our attitudes are filled with stories or images that portray the children of God as predatory beasts or, at best, as trivial creations pursuing little more than personal pleasure. And too many of us accept this as entertainment.

 

The men and women who made epic sacrifices to combat evil regimes in the past were shaped by values that are disappearing from our public teaching. The good, the true, and the beautiful are being replaced by the no-good, the “whatever,” and the valueless fodder of personal whim. Not surprisingly, many of our youth and adults are caught up in pornography, pagan piercing of body parts, self-serving pleasure pursuits, dishonest behavior, revealing attire, foul language, and degrading sexual indulgence.

Adding to the confusion is that many people are turning away from God or becoming casual in their observance of His teachings. Their hearts are growing cold. President Oaks continued,

… Many in positions of power and influence deny the right and wrong defined by divine decree. Even among those who profess to believe in right and wrong, there are “them that call evil good, and good evil” (Isaiah 5:20; 2 Nephi 15:20). Many also deny individual responsibility and practice dependence on others, seeking, like the foolish virgins, to live on borrowed substance and borrowed light.

Where to Turn

While many of the prophecies concerning the last days seem to focus on the bad things that will happen, there really is a good side to this. As the Prophet Brigham Young said, the bad things are escalating in proportion to the good. Elder Ronald L. Rasband said,

The devoted Apostle Peter described “times of restitution of all things … since the world began.” The Apostle Paul wrote that in the fulness of times, God would “gather … in one all things in Christ,” “Jesus Christ himself being the chief cornerstone.”

We just need to know where to look. President Nelson taught,

[The adversary’s] messages tend to be loud, bold, and boastful.

 

However, messages from our Heavenly Father are strikingly different. He communicates simply, quietly, and with such stunning plainness that we cannot misunderstand Him.

 

For example, whenever He has introduced His Only Begotten Son to mortals upon the earth, He has done so with remarkably few words. On the Mount of Transfiguration to Peter, James, and John, God said, “This is my beloved Son: hear him.” His words to the Nephites in ancient Bountiful were “Behold my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased, in whom I have glorified my name—hear ye him.” And to Joseph Smith, in that profound declaration that opened this dispensation, God simply said, “This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!”

It is in hearing Him and learning of His teachings that we find safety. Elder Holland said,

… Our Father in Heaven knows all of these latter-day dangers, these troubles of the heart and soul, and has given counsel and protections regarding them.

We find His counsel and protections in the prophecies concerning the last days as well.

Good News in the Last Days

The Savior taught that His gospel would be preached “in all the world for a witness unto all nations” (Matthew 24:14) before He came again. Members of The Church of Jesus Christ believe the fulfillment of this prophecy began in the spring of 1820 when a 14-year-old boy named Joseph Smith knelt in a grove of trees and prayed, asking to know which church he should join. In answer to his humble prayer, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph and told him not to join any existing church. That through him, the true gospel of Jesus Christ would be restored to the earth. President Oaks taught,

A revelation given to the Prophet Joseph Smith in 1831, soon after the organization of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, spoke of those who had been given “power to lay the foundation of this church.” The Lord then referred to the Church as “the only true and living church upon the face of the whole earth, with which I, the Lord, am well pleased” (Doctrine & Covenants 1:30). …

 

Three features—(1) fulness of doctrine, (2) power of the priesthood, and (3) testimony of Jesus Christ—explain why God has declared and why we as His servants maintain that this is the only true and living Church upon the face of the whole earth.

The organization of Christ’s Church in the latter days was the beginning of the restitution of all things, where all things were gathered in one. Through Joseph Smith, Jesus Christ restored His church, doctrine, and teachings to the earth. Elder D. Todd Christofferson said,

The ancient purpose remains: that is, to preach the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ and administer the ordinances of salvation—in other words, to bring people to Christ.

Ensign to the Nations

The Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ led to the fulfillment of other latter-day prophecies. The ancient prophet Isaiah prophesied,

… In the last days … the mountain of the Lord’s house shall be established in the tops of the mountains … and all nations shall flow unto it (Isaiah 2:2).

Of this scripture, President Gordon B. Hinckley taught,

Ever since the Salt Lake Temple was dedicated, we have interpreted that scripture from Isaiah, repeated again in Micah (see Micah 4:1–2), as applying to this sacred house of the Lord. …

 

I believe and testify that it is the mission of this Church to stand as an ensign to the nations and a light to the world. We have had placed upon us a great, all-encompassing mandate from which we cannot shrink nor turn aside. We accept that mandate and are determined to fulfill it, and with the help of God we shall do it.

The ancient prophet Daniel spoke of a “stone cut out without hands” that “became a great mountain and filled the whole earth.” (See Daniel 2:34-35, 44-45.) Modern scriptures teach,

… The gospel [shall] roll forth unto the ends of the earth, as the stone which is cut out of the mountains without hands shall roll forth, until it has filled the whole earth (Doctrine & Covenants 65:2).

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was organized in 1830 with six members in a little village in New York. Today the Church has more than 16 million members throughout the world. It is, as prophesied, filling the earth. The light of the gospel is filling the earth and dispelling the darkness, which, sadly, is growing ever intense.

When Calamities Strike

The gospel of Jesus Christ is filling the earth with light and knowledge to fight the darkness. So that when COVID hits and mass rioting and looting begins, we know where to look for peace. President Nelson taught,

We simply cannot rely upon information we bump into on social media. With billions of words online and in a marketing-saturated world constantly infiltrated by noisy, nefarious efforts of the adversary, where can we go to hear Him?

We find Him as we search the scriptures, as we participate in ordinances in the holy temple and as we listen to the words of the prophet. President Nelson continued,

We can go to the scriptures. They teach us about Jesus Christ and His gospel, the magnitude of His Atonement, and our Father’s great plan of happiness and redemption. Daily immersion in the word of God is crucial for spiritual survival, especially in these days of increasing upheaval. As we feast on the words of Christ daily, the words of Christ will tell us how to respond to difficulties we never thought we would face.

 

We can also hear Him in the temple. The house of the Lord is a house of learning. There the Lord teaches in His own way. There each ordinance teaches about the Savior. There we learn how to part the veil and communicate more clearly with heaven. 

As we seek Him, we will be prepared to face the calamities that will come. President Nelson taught,

Our Father knows that when we are surrounded by uncertainty and fear, what will help us the very most is to hear His Son.

 

Because when we seek to hear—truly hear—His Son, we will be guided to know what to do in any circumstance. 

And not just home life, but our roles in it. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes mistakenly called the Mormon Church) has long taught that a mother’s place—and her greatest responsibility—is in the home. The Family: A Proclamation to the World explains,

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.

As President Harold B. Lee taught,

A mother’s glorious purpose is the building of a home here and laying a foundation for a home in eternity.

While the world would diminish the good that mothers accomplish being at home, the COVID-19 quarantine has shown just how important they really are. Let me explain.

A House of Order

Motherhood, frankly, is often an overlooked job. And the philosophy of the world is that a woman’s talents are best served in the workplace, not at home. But keeping a house running and in order is no small feat. The scriptures teach,

Organize yourselves and … establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God (Doctrine & Covenants 88:119).

Much of that work falls on the mom. President Gordon B. Hinckley observed,

My dear sisters, … I stand in great admiration for all that you do. I see your hands in everything.

 

Many of you are mothers, and that is enough to occupy one’s full time. 

 

You are companions—the very best friends your husbands have or ever will have.

 

You are housekeepers. That doesn’t sound like much, does it? But what a job it is to keep a house clean and tidy.

 

You are shoppers. Until I got older I never dreamed of what a demanding responsibility it is to keep food in the pantry, to keep clothing neat and presentable, to buy all that is needed to keep a home running.

 

You are nurses. With every illness that comes along, you are the first to be told about it and the first to respond with help. …

 

You are the family chauffeur. … And so I might go on. 

In this chaos and uncertainty of the pandemic, this was magnified. We had to be more organized and focused with our finances, grocery shopping, internet, and computer use. And having mom at home to direct the effort was essential.

A House of Peace

When our state shut everything down, we still had snow on the ground—5 feet high in places. And since the ski resorts shut down soon thereafter, we were pretty much stuck inside. The kids needed the first few days to wind down from the stresses of school, but it didn’t take long for cabin fever to set in. Especially since it was a good 3 weeks before remote learning started for our school district. We found peace as we focused on the Savior. Elder Richard G. Scott said,

Many voices from the world in which we live tell us we should live at a frantic pace. … Yet deep inside each of us is a need to have a place of refuge where peace and serenity prevail, a place where we can reset, regroup, and reenergize to prepare for future pressures.

 

The ideal place for that peace is within the walls of our own homes, where we have done all we can to make the Lord Jesus Christ the centerpiece. 

It can be difficult to go from the frantic pace of school of life to a standstill unexpectedly. Elder Scott continued,

Be certain that every decision you make, whether temporal or spiritual, is conditioned on what the Savior would have you do. When He is the center of your home, there is peace and serenity. …

 

The fulfillment of this counsel does not rest upon parents alone, although it is their role to lead. Children can be responsible for improving the Christ-centered efforts in the home. It is important for parents to teach children to recognize how their actions affect each individual who lives in the home.

It was important for me to be home to not only keep the peace but also help my kids find peace.

A House of Learning

Mothers have the primary obligation for nurturing in the home, and this includes helping teach children. Never did I feel this more than when remote instruction started up in our school district. President Henry B. Eyring taught,

While I do not know all the Lord’s reasons for giving primary responsibility for nurturing in the family to faithful sisters, I believe it has to do with your capacity to love. It takes great love to feel the needs of someone else more than your own. That is the pure love of Christ for the person you nurture. That feeling of charity comes from the person chosen to be the nurturer having qualified for the effects of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. …

 

As daughters of God, you have an innate and great capacity to sense the needs of others and to love. That, in turn, makes you more susceptible to the whisperings of the Spirit. The Spirit can then guide what you think, what you say, and what you do to nurture people so the Lord may pour knowledge, truth, and courage upon them.

When school work resumed with remote learning, there was a steep learning curve for all of us. At the beginning, one of my teenagers kept complaining, “But Mom, why all of a sudden do you care if we do our school stuff? You never asked us about it before!” I had to explain that I didn’t have to ask before. But now that all school work was being done at home, it was my job to ask and make sure that she did it. And I can’t say that I was always great at it. But I tried. And so did they.

A House of Prayer and Scripture Study

I’m not going to lie, school with remote learning was rough at first. Especially since we had been slacking off and doing our family scripture study at night. But then we decided as a family to resume our morning routine of family prayer and scripture study. President James E. Faust said,

… The source of our enormous individual strength and potential is no mystery. … We need only to draw constantly from the power source through humble prayer. It often takes a superhuman effort for parents of a busy family to get everyone out of bed and together for family prayer and scripture study. You may not always feel like praying when you finally get together, but it will pay great dividends if you persevere.

 

… All of us need the strength that comes from daily reading of the scriptures. Parents must have a knowledge of the standard works to teach them to their children. A child who has been taught from the scriptures has a priceless legacy. Children are fortified when they become acquainted with the heroic figures and stories of the scriptures such as Daniel in the lions’ den, David and Goliath, Nephi, Helaman, and the stripling warriors, and all the others.

It wasn’t always easy to get up early knowing that the kids had a flexible schedule, but it was worth it. Our morning family scripture study and prayer didn’t totally resolve all of the frustrations with juggling computers and bandwidth issues, but we were more prepared to deal with the problems that arose.

A House of Faith

The Church of Jesus Christ closed all church buildings—including temples—during the COVID-19 shutdown. But members were allowed to have the sacrament in their homes under the proper priesthood authority. (All worthy male members of the Church who are of age are eligible to hold the priesthood.) The sacrament, which is the Latter-day Saint equivalent of the Holy Eucharist, is blessed and passed by priesthood holders. It is a special and sacred opportunity to have this in our home. President Dallin H. Oaks taught,

The ordinance of the sacrament makes the sacrament meeting the most sacred and important meeting in the Church. It is the only Sabbath meeting the entire family can attend together. Its content in addition to the sacrament should always be planned and presented to focus our attention on the Atonement and teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. …

 

Typically the sacrament is administered, passed, and received by the members in an atmosphere of quiet reverence. The conducting of the meeting … is brief and dignified, and the talks are spiritual in content and delivery. The music is appropriate, and so are the prayers. This is the standard….

We have followed the same standard, albeit on a smaller scale, in our home. Down to and including how we dress in our Sunday best. President Oaks said,

How we dress is an important indicator of our attitude and preparation for any activity in which we will engage. If we are going swimming or hiking or playing on the beach, our clothing, including our footwear, will indicate this. The same should be true of how we dress when we are to participate in the ordinance of the sacrament. …. Our manner of dress indicates the degree to which we understand and honor the ordinance in which we will participate.

Our home has become, quite literally, a house of faith. 

A House with a Stay-at-Home Mom

Now the question might arise, what does all of this have to do with stay-at-home moms? Well, for our family, a lot. And the COVID-19 shutdown illustrated this in bright neon colors. A few years ago, I started working as a proctor for standardized testing in the schools for six weeks or so in April and May. I started doing this because I was in the schools with my kids and it brings in a little extra money. However, during that time my kids can’t be sick because I can’t be at home with them. I have less time for cooking meals and so we have more quick and easy (but not always so healthy) meals. Then the schools shut down and standardized testing was canceled. We had to reorganize our schedules, rework the budget, and rethink how we spent our time. 

As we did so, I realized that just being there for my children was the most important thing. As Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught,

In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time.

In times of global crisis, having the stability of mom at home is essential. Sister Sheri L. Dew explained,

Never has there been a greater need for righteous mothers—mothers who bless their children with a sense of safety, security, and confidence about the future, mothers who teach their children where to find peace and truth and that the power of Jesus Christ is always stronger than the power of the adversary. …. No woman who understands the gospel would ever think that any other work is more important or would ever say, “I am just a mother,” for mothers heal the souls of men.

And now, more than ever, we need that healing power in our homes.

I believed that if I ever were able to move on, I had to forgive. Even though I didn’t like what he did, I couldn’t go around the rest of my life being a victim.  I had to forgive in order to save my own life. I have learned that refusing to forgive is like taking poison yourself and hoping that the other person will die.

President James E. Faust added similar insight when he stated,

Most of us need time to work through pain and loss. We can find all manner of reasons for postponing forgiveness. One of these reasons is waiting for the wrongdoers to repent before we forgive them. Yet such a delay causes us to forfeit the peace and happiness that could be ours. The folly of rehashing long-past hurts does not bring happiness.

What President Faust is saying is that when we refuse to forgive, we waste our energy and cheat ourselves out of happiness.

This is true. Refusing to forgive is like taking poison and hoping that the other person will die.  As President Faust said,

If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being. 

The Damage that Comes from Entertaining Grievances

Soldiers on the battlefield in World War I.

A little over a hundred years ago, our planet was faced with twin catastrophes. One was a devastating flu pandemic, and the other was World War I. Kaiser Wilhelm II is generally recognized as the primary instigator of the war, which is widely considered to have created the conditions that led to the pandemic. Although Wilhelm had several motivations, a desire to get retribution for perceived wrongs done to himself and his country was one of his primary motivations for instigating the twin tragedies of that age.

It would appear that the world has changed little over the last hundred years.  In addition to facing a major pandemic, society also has to put up with political leaders, celebrities, and social media influencers who spend tremendous amounts of energy attacking others for perceived wrongs.  This is part of a cultural epidemic in which the expression of grievances is the increasingly common form of human interaction. This culture of grievances is especially harmful in a time of social isolation where human interaction is limited.  But we are not helpless. Just as we can follow sound health practices to protect our physical health, we can also protect our mental and spiritual health by refusing to be a part of the culture of grievances. 

We Live in a Culture of Grievances—How Do We Pull Back from It?

How do we go about removing ourselves from this culture of grievances? Should we obtain our guidance from political leaders, celebrities, or social media influencers, or is there a better source of guidance? There is a better source.  In the Doctrine and Covenants, the Lord said, 

Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.  I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.  

This is only one of the scriptures which tells us that we need to forgive others. So, we have to ask ourselves: Why is it so important for us to forgive others?  Of course, forgiving those who have wronged us may help them to change and become better people, but it may not. Thus, the more important reason why we are commanded to forgive others is because we must do so for our own welfare.

Dr. Sidney Simon, an authority on values realization, once said, 

Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves. 

What Forgiveness Is—and Is Not

Of course, there are dangerous people in this world who inflict real harm on others. Forgiving others does not mean that we need to subject ourselves to abuse or allow an abuser to escape consequences.  As stated by Dr. Carole Kanchier, 

Just as important as defining what forgiveness is, though, is understanding what forgiveness is not.  Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate one to reconcile with the person who harmed the individual, or release that person from legal accountability. Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from destructive anger.

When it comes to harm that amounts to criminal conduct, cooperation with prosecution is consistent with forgiveness.  As it says in Alma 42, mercy cannot rob justice. One can let go of anger and hatred, and still cooperate in the justice process.  Forgiveness does not require anyone to remain in an abusive situation or otherwise place themselves in danger.

Of course, we can’t pretend that forgiveness is always easy.  President Faust said, 

We need to recognize and acknowledge angry feelings. It will take humility to do this, but if we will get on our knees and ask Heavenly Father for a feeling of forgiveness, He will help us. The Lord requires us to forgive all men for our own good because hatred retards spiritual growth. Only as we rid ourselves of hatred and bitterness can the Lord put comfort into our hearts.  

This may seem easier said than done, but we can do it with the Savior’s help. 

Being More Loving and Less Judgmental

There is another aspect of forgiving others that is illustrated by the following story about J. Golden Kimball, who was a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy in the early part of the 1900’s.  For those who don’t remember, Elder Kimball was a former cowboy who was known for telling it exactly how it was, and this was a time when the Word of Wisdom was not yet a strict requirement.  

One day J. Golden was in a drugstore, sitting at the far end of the long counter. After he was served a cup of coffee, a man walked by, turned and looked at him and at the cup of what he was drinking. “Aren’t you J. Golden Kimball?” the man asked.  J. Golden sighed and answered, “Yes I am.” The man looked disgusted and straightened up and said, “I’d rather commit adultery than drink coffee.” J. Golden looked back at the man and responded, “Hell, who wouldn’t?”

This story has two main points that apply to the concept of forgiving others.  First, we need to stop being so judgmental of others. Just because someone may sin differently than we do, we need to remember that we are not perfect, and we all commit sin. Heavenly Father doesn’t love his children any less or more than others just because they make different types of mistakes. The second point is that we would be wise to be less critical.  Telling random strangers in drugstores that they need to change will rarely do anything more than cause offense. The same thing goes for mere acquaintances. Only love and genuine care can be effective in helping others to make positive changes.

What it all boils down to is that we forgive others because it is the right thing to do for ourselves.  Forgiveness takes away the power someone else has over us to determine how we feel. Forgiveness allows those who have been wronged to regain the power to determine how they feel about themselves.  How we feel about ourselves is up to us and our Savior, and He loves us.

By Blake Hills —  Blake Hills is a career prosecutor who also teaches at the law enforcement academy. He received his JD from the University of Utah College of Law.  For several decades, Blake has effectively used Star Wars quotes to persuade his children (and now grandchildren) to see things from a certain point of view.  He has also found using these quotes to be an especially effective method of winning arguments with defense attorneys.

The first weekend of April (and also October), members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes mistakenly called Mormons) from all over the world gather to listen to the words of the prophet, apostles and other church leaders. It often seems like the weeks before conference are challenging in one way or another. And then the meetings begin and bring much-needed light and peace to calm the storms of life. This conference will be no different in that respect. But it will be different in another. At the conclusion of the previous conference, President Russell M. Nelson said,

… General conference next April will be different from any previous conference. In the next six months, I hope that every member and every family will prepare for a unique conference that will commemorate the very foundations of the restored gospel.

So this conference weekend will be memorable for more than just coronavirus and quarantine. Let me explain.

A Different Format, a Different Feel

Temple Square will be empty for April 2020 general conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

President Nelson proved prophetic when he said that the April 2020 general conference would be unlike any other. I’m not sure that he anticipated the global shutdown of temples, the cancellation of church services and the upheaval of sending all missionaries to their home countries and the quarantine of all missionaries either at home or in the mission field. Because of COVID-19 concerns and most of the world being under quarantine orders (maybe it only seems like the world is under quarantine because we have been for weeks already), the Conference Center and Temple Square will be deserted. It will be void of the delightful commotion described by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland,

… Here on these grounds you see families of all sizes coming from every direction. Old friends embrace in joyful reunion, a marvelous choir is warming up, and protestors shout from their favorite soapbox. Missionaries of an earlier day look for former companions, while recently returned missionaries look for entirely new companions (if you know what I mean!). And photos? Heaven help us! With cell phones in every hand, we have morphed from ‘every member a missionary’ to ‘every member a photographer.’

Instead, the meetings will be broadcast throughout the world, and members will watch in their homes on TV, radio and other electronic devices. The First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ (composed of President Nelson and his two counselors, President Dallin H. Oaks and President Henry B. Eyring) will conduct, and those who have been invited to speak or pray will attend. The music will be prerecorded. But while there won’t be “joyful commotion” in large groups, there will be much rejoicing in the homes of Latter-day Saints.

The Home as a Conference Center

Our family has been watching general conference from the comfort of our couches for years now. We turn it into a celebration. But it’s always fun to see the hustle and bustle on Temple Square and to see the people at the Conference Center. I’m excited to see how others celebrate at home during the April conference. The home is, after all, the center of gospel learning. Elder David A. Bednar said,

The ultimate missionary training center is in our homes; secondary missionary training centers are located in Provo, Manila, Mexico City, and in other locations. Our most instructive Sunday School classes should be our individual and family study in our places of residence; helpful but secondary Sunday School classes are held in our meetinghouses.

 

Family history centers now are in our homes. Supplemental support for our family history research work also is available in our meetinghouses.

 

Vital temple preparation classes occur in our homes; important but secondary temple preparation classes also may be conducted periodically in our meetinghouses.

 

Making our homes sanctuaries wherein we can “stand in holy places” is essential in these latter days. And as important as home-centered and Church-supported learning is for our spiritual strength and protection today, it will be even more vital in the future.

Elder Bednar gave this talk just one year ago, in the April 2019 general conference. And we have watched, in recent weeks, as homes have turned into missionary training centers for young elders and sisters while Missionary Training Centers are closed down. Our homes have been places of worship where we partake of the sacrament and teach Sunday School lessons since churches are closed down. And now, our homes will be turned into little conference centers where we can listen to the words of the prophets. 

Sustaining from Home

Every general conference, members of The Church of Jesus Christ have the opportunity to sustain the prophet, apostles and other leaders of the Church during the second Saturday session. I always enjoyed watching from home as those in the Conference Center sustained the prophets (and sometimes dissented), knowing that a majority of the Latter-day Saints in attendance were raising their hands to sustain our Church leaders. President Nelson taught,

When we sustain prophets and other leaders, we invoke the law of common consent, for the Lord said, ‘It shall not be given to any one to go forth to preach my gospel, or to build up my church, except he be ordained by some one who has authority, and it is known to the church that he has authority and has been regularly ordained by the heads of the church.’’

 

This gives us, as members of the Lord’s Church, confidence and faith as we strive to keep the scriptural injunction to heed the Lord’s voice as it comes through the voice of His servants the prophets. All leaders in the Lord’s Church are called by proper authority. No prophet or any other leader in this Church, for that matter, has ever called himself or herself. No prophet has ever been elected. The Lord made that clear when He said, ‘Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you.’ You and I do not ‘vote’ on Church leaders at any level. We do, though, have the privilege of sustaining them.

For April 2020’s conference, members will be watching and raising their hands to sustain—or voicing their opposition—from home. This illustrates, in a very powerful way, that each one of us has the responsibility for our own sustaining vote. It is between us and God.

Celebrating the Restoration

Spring 2020 is 200 years since a young boy, confused at which church he should join, knelt in a grove of trees and prayed, asking God. In answer, the young Joseph Smith received what is now called the First Vision that led to the Restoration of the Lord’s ancient church. President Nelson explained,

God the Father and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, appeared to Joseph, a 14-year-old youth. That event marked the onset of the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ in its fulness, precisely as foretold in the Holy Bible.

 

Then came a succession of visits from heavenly messengers, including Moroni, John the Baptist, and the early Apostles Peter, James, and John. Others followed, including Moses, Elias, and Elijah. Each brought divine authority to bless God’s children on the earth once again.

 

Miraculously, we have also received the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ, a companion scripture to the Holy Bible. The revelations published in the Doctrine and Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price have also greatly enriched our understanding of God’s commandments and eternal truth.

 

The keys and offices of the priesthood have been restored, including the offices of Apostle, Seventy, patriarch, high priest, elder, bishop, priest, teacher, and deacon. And women who love the Lord serve valiantly in the Relief Society, Primary, Young Women, Sunday School, and other Church callings—all vital parts of the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ in its fulness.

 

Thus, the year 2020 will be designated as a bicentennial year.

And this conference will be a celebration of the Restoration of the gospel.

Preparing for General Conference

In life, we get out what we put in. And the more effort we put in, the more we get out of an experience. The same is true for general conference. And April 2020’s is no exception. President Nelson gave us some insight on how to prepare for this unique conference. He said,

You may wish to begin your preparation by reading afresh Joseph Smith’s account of the First Vision as recorded in the Pearl of Great Price. Our course of study for next year in Come, Follow Me is the Book of Mormon. You may wish to ponder important questions such as, “How would my life be different if my knowledge gained from the Book of Mormon were suddenly taken away?” or “How have the events that followed the First Vision made a difference for me and my loved ones?” Also, with the Book of Mormon videos now becoming available, you may wish to incorporate them in your individual and family study.

 

Select your own questions. Design your own plan. Immerse yourself in the glorious light of the Restoration. As you do, general conference next April will be not only memorable; it will be unforgettable.

And the Lord will speak directly to us through the words of those who are speaking, if we are prepared to hear Him. Elder Robert D. Hales taught,

… This is possible because the Holy Ghost carries the word of the Lord unto our hearts in terms we can understand. … What is said is not as important as what we hear and what we feel. That is why we make an effort to experience conference in a setting where the still, small voice of the Spirit can be clearly heard, felt, and understood.

Looking Back at the Early Christian Church

One of the ways that I prepared for the April 2020 conference was to watch a documentary on Christian churches through the ages. The Savior taught His gospel and set up His Church when He was on the earth, and the early apostles worked hard to maintain His teachings. But the teachings were becoming corrupted, even in the times of the early apostles. The fullness of the gospel was lost. Elder James E. Faust taught,

With this falling away, priesthood keys were lost, and some precious doctrines of the Church organized by the Savior were changed. Among these were baptism by immersion; receiving the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands; the nature of the Godhead—that They are three distinct personages; all mankind will be resurrected through the Atonement of Christ, “both … the just and the unjust”; continuous revelation—that the heavens are not closed; and temple work for the living and the dead.

 

The period that followed came to be known as the Dark Ages. 

But men continued their quest to follow the Savior. President Gordon B. Hinckley explained,

As the years continued their relentless march, the sunlight of a new day began to break over the earth. It was the Renaissance, a magnificent flowering of art, architecture, and literature.

 

Reformers worked to change the church, notably such men as Luther, Melanchthon, Hus, Zwingli, and Tyndale. These were men of great courage, some of whom suffered cruel deaths because of their beliefs. Protestantism was born with its cry for reformation. When that reformation was not realized, the reformers organized churches of their own. They did so without priesthood authority. Their one desire was to find a niche in which they might worship God as they felt He should be worshiped.

The Restoration

Although the Reformers did their best to return the church to the set set up by Jesus Christ, what was needed was a restoration. But the earth had to be prepared for it. President Hinckley continued,

While this great ferment was stirring across the Christian world, political forces were also at work. Then came the American Revolutionary War, resulting in the birth of a nation whose constitution declared that government should not reach its grasping hand into matters of religion. A new day had dawned, a glorious day. Here there was no longer a state church. No one faith was favored above another.

 

After centuries of darkness and pain and struggle, the time was ripe for the restoration of the gospel. Ancient prophets had spoken of this long-awaited day.

 

All of the history of the past had pointed to this season. The centuries with all of their suffering and all their hope had come and gone. The Almighty Judge of the nations, the Living God, determined that the times of which the prophets had spoken had arrived. Daniel had foreseen a stone which was cut out of the mountain without hands and which became a great mountain and filled the whole earth.

That stone cut out of the mountain is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is a Restoration of the ancient Church. President Hinckley said,

The curtains which had been closed for much of two millennia were parted to usher in the dispensation of the fulness of times. There followed the restoration of the holy priesthood. … Keys of divine authority were restored….

And Joseph Smith became the first prophet of the last dispensation. 

A Unique General Conference

General conference is a celebration of the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is a manifestation that the heavens are opened and the Lord, once again, speaks to us through His prophet. Just as He spoke to His people through Moses, Abraham and other ancient prophets. Just as He spoke with Peter, James and John and His apostles in His ancient Church. Jesus Christ restored His gospel so that we could find Him. As Elder Holland said,

To grasp the vision we are seeking, the healing that He promises, the significance we somehow know is here, we must cut through the commotion—joyful as it is—and fix our attention on Him. The prayer of every speaker, the hope of all who sing, the reverence of every guest—all are dedicated to inviting the Spirit of Him whose Church this is—the living Christ, the Lamb of God, the Prince of Peace.

If we are prepared for and pay attention to the speakers this conference, we will find Him. And the chaos, confusion and upheaval of COVID-19 concerns, quarantines and earthquakes will give way to the peace that Christ can bring.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has temporarily suspended church services worldwide, is limiting temple use and will broadcast April’s general conference from the Conference Center, only allowing the Tabernacle Choir and Church leaders to attend. (President Russell M. Nelson was right when he said back in October that this conference would be different!) 

All of the precautions may be needed or much ado about not much. Only time will tell for sure. But the question we need to ask ourselves is: Are we ready for the impact on our communities? That’s an interesting question for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—especially since leaders have been preaching preparedness for decades. Are “Mormons” (as members of The Church of Jesus Christ are often mistakenly called) prepared for the COVID-19 pandemic? Well, the Church of Jesus Christ as a whole is ready. It’s amazing to see the prophetic insight of Church leaders. But individuals and families? Well, that depends on how closely we’re following prophetic counsel. Let me explain.  

The COVID-19 Pandemic

The COVID-19 pandemic is one for the books. What makes it so scary, right now, is that so much is unknown. And what is known is kind of alarming. According to a March 11, 2020, press release by the World Health Organization,

In the past two weeks, the number of cases of COVID-19 outside China has increased 13-fold, and the number of affected countries has tripled.  …

 

We have never before seen a pandemic sparked by a coronavirus. … And we have never before seen a pandemic that can be controlled, at the same time. 

So the focus has been on social distancing, hygiene, and containment, which means isolating areas and people staying home. Is there really a way that we can prepare for that? For many years, The Church of Jesus Christ taught preparedness. But preparedness is more than just food storage. The Church of Jesus Christ explained,

Self-reliance incorporates education, health, employment, family home production and food storage, family finances and spiritual strength.

This preparation isn’t something that should be done in a day. Rather, a little at a time as we can. President Gordon B. Hinckley said,

Our people for three-quarters of a century have been counseled and encouraged to make such preparation as will assure survival should a calamity come.

 

We can set aside some water, basic food, medicine, and clothing to keep us warm. We ought to have a little money laid aside in case of a rainy day.

 

Now what I have said should not occasion a run on the grocery store or anything of that kind. I am saying nothing that has not been said for a very long time.

The prophet’s counsel on preparedness is not intended specifically for this pandemic but can easily be applied. That’s how it was designed.

Response by The Church of Jesus Christ

Leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ were able to respond quickly and with progressive announcements because of its unique organization. The Church of Jesus Christ is a top-down organization, meaning that revelation and instructions for the general membership come from the Savior to His living prophets and apostles, through the leadership structures of the Church down to the members. So not long after each announcement from the prophet, our local bishop sent out emails detailing how these would be implemented in our congregation. Local congregations have ministering programs where members are assigned to look after specific families. Ministering brothers and sisters were asked to check on their families and assess needs. Our son’s mission president sent out a similar email, explaining how these changes would affect him on his mission. 

The end result was that all church gatherings were canceled, and Latter-day Saints were to have worship services—including administering and partaking of the sacrament—at home. Missionaries in affected areas would teach via teleconferencing, and the missionary training centers in Provo, Utah, and Preston, England, would close their doors. Incoming missionaries would be trained via teleconferencing in their homes. Leaders from The Church of Jesus Christ stated,

We believe this temporary virtual training program will help to prepare missionaries for the field while minimizing risks related to communicable disease.

 

Each missionary will receive specific information regarding the length of training, schedules, and other logistics as his or her starting date approaches. Once missionaries complete their online training, they will travel directly to their mission assignments.

Not surprisingly, the Church already has programs and technology in place to accomplish this remote learning. And it gives new meaning to the focus on the “home-centered, Church supported” platform.

Home Centered and Church Supported Program

In October 2018, Church leaders announced a different approach to gospel learning that put the emphasis and responsibility for gospel learning on parents and individuals at home. President Nelson taught,

As Latter-day Saints, we have become accustomed to thinking of “church” as something that happens in our meetinghouses, supported by what happens at home. We need an adjustment to this pattern. It is time for a home-centered Church, supported by what takes place inside our branch, ward and stake buildings. …

 

For many years, Church leaders have been working on an integrated curriculum to strengthen families and individuals through a home-centered and Church-supported plan to learn doctrine, strengthen faith, and foster greater personal worship.

The program, called “Come, Follow Me,” standardized gospel learning for all ages. Which meant that parents and their children would be having the same lessons, tailored to their age group, at church and then be able to discuss the same topic and scriptures at home. There was also instruction material for discussion for individuals and families. This brought a greater focus on learning in the home that was supplemented by learning at church. Our family loves it, and the program has fostered some great conversations with our kids.

This year, students in seminary (religious instruction for high schoolers) also followed a similar curriculum. So we all studied the same book of scripture. This makes it so much easier to continue learning and discussing at home when we can’t get to church. When this was announced, my husband and I talked about how in the future it wouldn’t be surprising if we had to do church at home. I never thought it would happen so soon, nor did I imagine it would be because of an infectious disease!

Missionary Preparation

Gospel learning in the home takes on new meaning for those preparing for their missions via video conferencing. The Missionary Training Centers of The Church of Jesus Christ (or MTCs) are sacred places of learning where the spirit of the Lord is strong. Families whose missionaries are training at home instead of in an MTC must turn their homes into a literal MTC. This will be an easy task for those who have been following the counsel of the prophets and apostles. Elder David A. Bednar taught,

The ultimate missionary training center is in our homes; secondary missionary training centers are located in Provo, Manila, Mexico City, and in other locations. Our most instructive Sunday School classes should be our individual and family study in our places of residence; helpful but secondary Sunday School classes are held in our meetinghouses. …

 

Making our homes sanctuaries wherein we can “stand in holy places” is essential in these latter days. And as important as home-centered and Church-supported learning is for our spiritual strength and protection today, it will be even more vital in the future. 

Missionary, Temple and Family History Work

Technology such as Google Hangouts and online chats have allowed missionary work to continue, even in areas that are shut down due to COVID-19. This same technology also allows members of all ages to continue working on family history at home so when temples reopen, they will have names of ancestors for whom ordinances need to be performed. Elder Bednar said,

The Lord has made available in our day remarkable resources that enable you to learn about and love this work that is sparked by the Spirit of Elijah. For example, FamilySearch is a collection of records, resources, and services easily accessible with personal computers and a variety of handheld devices, designed to help people discover and document their family history. These resources also are available in the family history centers located in many of our Church buildings throughout the world.

The youth are especially adept at this technology, which gives kids stuck at home productive things to do online. Elder Bednar continued,

It is no coincidence that FamilySearch and other tools have come forth at a time when young people are so familiar with a wide range of information and communication technologies. Your fingers have been trained to text and tweet to accelerate and advance the work of the Lord—not just to communicate quickly with your friends. The skills and aptitude evident among many young people today are a preparation to contribute to the work of salvation.

Preparation of the Latter-day Saints

The prophet and apostles have prepared The Church of Jesus Christ for a time such as this, but have the members prepared themselves? Preparation for Latter-day Saints is two-fold—spiritual and physical. Which one comes first? President Henry B. Eyring taught,

Most of us have thought about how to prepare for storms. We have seen and felt the suffering of women, men, and children, and of the aged and the weak, caught in hurricanes, tsunamis, wars, and droughts. One reaction is to ask, “How can I be prepared?” And there is a rush to buy and put away whatever people think they might need for the day they might face such calamities.

 

But there is another even more important preparation we must make for tests that are certain to come to each of us. That preparation must be started far in advance because it takes time. What we will need then can’t be bought. It can’t be borrowed. It doesn’t store well. And it has to have been used regularly and recently.

 

What we will need in our day of testing is a spiritual preparation. It is to have developed faith in Jesus Christ so powerful that we can pass the test of life upon which everything for us in eternity depends. That test is part of the purpose God had for us in the Creation.

We need faith to help us get through the rough times. No one is 100 percent sure what the economic impact of COVID-19 will be. In times of uncertainty, we rely on our faith for comfort. When the crisis comes, the time for preparation has passed. It is the same physically as spiritually. Have we developed the faith we need to weather this storm?

Why We Need Faith

In times of uncertainty, we rely on faith for comfort. We prepare by developing our faith, which requires obedience to God’s commandments. President Hinckley said,

We can so live that we can call upon the Lord for His protection and guidance. This is a first priority. We cannot expect His help if we are unwilling to keep His commandments.

This doesn’t mean that the righteous won’t suffer. President Hinckley continued,

We know, of course, that the rain falls on the just as well as the unjust (see Matthew 5:45). But even though the just die they are not lost, but are saved through the Atonement of the Redeemer.

What it does mean is that we can take comfort in knowing that we did our part, and whatever happens after that, we will still be OK.

Stockpiles of Toilet Paper and Supplies

The night before my husband and I were to leave Mexico, our daughter called and said she was at the store and the toilet paper and tissues were nearly gone, and the store was limiting the amount of both that people could buy. I had been hoping that I could get home before that happened, but no such luck. So I got online and tried to buy toilet paper and tissues, but I was out of luck there, too. We have toilet paper at home. But we are always shy on tissues because I have allergies all summer and fall and sinus issues the rest of the year. Strike 1 for me not being prepared. We do have food storage but are in need of staples like rice and probably flour. (Of course, two of the staples that stores are running out of!) Strike 2. 

With all that said, my husband and I were not fully caught unaware. We have been following the news and planning for the eventuality. We have tried to follow the counsel of the prophet and apostles to the best of our ability. And I believe that is what God expects of us. A couple of years ago, the power went out at our house, and it was expected to last a few days. We were definitely not prepared for that! So I had to run to the store and buy bottled water, hot dogs, brats and cans of soup—items that we could cook on our woodburning stove. I spent more money that I wanted to, and almost more than we had. And then the power was only off for a day. But we were ready for an outage the rest of that winter. My plan is to not make that same mistake this time.

The Real Test

While the COVID-19 pandemic is a test of our preparation, the real test of life is to see which voices we will follow, which master we will obey. President Eyring taught,

… The great test of life is to see whether we will hearken to and obey God’s commands in the midst of the storms of life. It is not to endure storms, but to choose the right while they rage. And the tragedy of life is to fail in that test and so fail to qualify to return in glory to our heavenly home.

The earth will not glide smoothly to the Second Coming of the Savior. The way will be rocky, stormy and full of perils. This may be the start of the plagues, wars and rumors of wars that are prophesied before His triumphant return. But maybe not. President Eyring said,

Life [will] have storms in which we … have to make choices using faith in things we [can] not see with our natural eyes. …

 

It will take unshakable faith in the Lord Jesus Christ to choose the way to eternal life. It is by using that faith we can know the will of God. It is by acting on that faith we build the strength to do the will of God. And it is by exercising that faith in Jesus Christ that we can resist temptation and gain forgiveness through the Atonement. 

And it is this faith upon which we can rely when the storms rage and pandemics hit. So are Latter-day Saints prepared for COVID-19? I am. I’m excited to have church at home with my husband and son passing the sacrament. And if push comes to shove, I have lots of wide-ruled lined paper to use instead of tissues.

What is Fidelity?

Fidelity is certainly one of those old-fashioned words. Infidelity is cheating and being unfaithful to your spouse, so fidelity means being faithful. But it’s so much deeper than that. Merriam-Webster’s defines fidelity as:

: the quality or state of being faithful

 

: accuracy in details: exactness

The evolution of the word helps to convey its deeper meaning, especially in relationships:

… “Fidelity” … has existed in English since the 15th century; its etymological path winds back through Middle English and Middle French, eventually arriving at the Latin verb fidere, meaning “to trust.” “Fidere” is also an ancestor of other English words associated with trust or faith, such as “fiduciary” (which means “of, relating to, or involving a confidence or trust” …) and “confide” (meaning “to trust” or “to show trust by imparting secrets”).

 

… Fidelity implies strict and continuing faithfulness to an obligation, trust or duty.

Complete faithfulness is essential to marriage. But when we’re talking about not just men and women but moms and dads, then the stakes are raised even higher. The Family: A Proclamation to the World states:

Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor their marital vows with complete fidelity.

Parents are entrusted with a sacred charge. For moms and dads, this strict and continuing faithfulness to each other is their obligation, trust and duty not only to each other but also to their children. So how do we cultivate fidelity in marriage? And what happens when that trust is broken?

Fidelity Begins in the Heart

Most people believe in marriage. And they don’t intend to be unfaithful. Infidelity is a process that be easily rationalized away unless we are careful and truly in tune with our spouses. The scriptures teach that husbands and wives are to cleave unto each other and to none else. (See Doctrine & Covenants 42:22-26.) President Spencer W. Kimball said,

The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes pre-eminent in the life of the husband or wife and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse (The Miracle of Forgiveness, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1969, p. 250).

Veon G. Smith, at the time a professor of social work and director of the Marriage and Family Counseling Bureau, University of Utah, said,

Infidelity is a subtle process. It does not begin with adultery; it begins with thoughts and attitudes. Each step to adultery is short, and each is easily taken; but once the process starts, it is difficult to stop.

Perhaps one reason the process is difficult to stop is because it can be difficult to detect in the first place. This can begin as innocently as a friendship or a working relationship.  Professor Kenneth W. Matheson, at the time a professor in the School of Social Work at Brigham Young University, taught,

Emotional infidelity, which occurs when emotions and thoughts are focused on someone other than a spouse, is an insidious threat that can weaken the trust between a couple and shatter peace of mind.

 

Emotional infidelity doesn’t usually happen suddenly; rather, it occurs gradually—often imperceptibly at first. This is one reason why those involved often feel innocent of any wrongdoing.

It is for this reason that communication is key to a successful marriage relationship. We must be in tune with our spouses and their feelings because if we are, then one spouse can feel when the other is starting to pull away. Professor Smith said,

Any uneasiness about a situation should be taken seriously, even though “nothing’s happening.” The subtle shift from marital fidelity to infidelity is like the gradual shading from daylight to darkness.

Professor Matheson said,

Relationships with others of the opposite sex are not in and of themselves a problem or a fracture of fidelity. In fact, many of our meaningful relationships with neighbors, Church friends, co-workers, and others have a balanced and important place in our lives. However, there is a danger zone that people may cross into if they are not watchful. …

 

We should be careful not to allow relationships even to begin to develop inappropriately. … Not only our actions relative to other people, but also our thoughts must be guarded.

This includes the way we talk to others about our spouses. Are we telling our friends and others about how frustrating our spouses can be? Or are we focusing on the positive aspects of our partners? This, to me, is one key to fidelity in marriage. When we speak unkindly about our spouse, then it is too easy to justify pulling away and finding companionship and validation elsewhere. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf warned,

Somehow, as the days multiply and the color of romantic love changes, there are some who slowly stop thinking of each other’s happiness and start noticing the little faults. In such an environment, some are enticed by the tragic conclusion that their spouse isn’t smart enough, fun enough, or young enough. And somehow they get the idea that this gives them justification to start looking elsewhere.

 

… If this comes close to describing you at all, I warn you that you are on a road that leads to broken marriages, broken homes, and broken hearts.

Our Time, Priorities and Affection Belong to Our Families

Marriage brings a man and a woman together in love. If we want our marriage to be strong, then we must devote all of our time and affection to our spouse—our family must be our priority. Professor Smith said:

Fidelity, like infidelity, is a process. Fidelity, the positive quality, is measured by the degree of loyalty, allegiance, and commitment between husband and wife. Infidelity, the negative quality, results from insufficient feelings of loyalty and allegiance. Any action that fosters inappropriate relationships with another person erodes fidelity.

 

Two souls, united in matrimony, can achieve spiritual and temporal unity only if they constantly increase their friendship, love, and loyalty by expressing their feelings verbally, by maintaining mutual respect, and by demonstrating concern for each other.

Marriage is hard work—especially when you have children. Your time is divided between lots of responsibilities. But that makes it even more important to make time for each other and your marriage. President Uchtdorf taught,

… We must place high priority on our families. We build deep and loving family relationships by doing simple things together, like family dinner and family home evening and by just having fun together. In family relationships, love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time. Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home. We talk with, rather than about, each other. We learn from each other, and we appreciate our differences as well as our commonalities.

This is an impossible task if one spouse is pouring his or her time, priorities and affection into someone who is an interloper in the family. Most of us have commitments outside the home — work, PTA, Church, kids’ sports, just to name a few. But in our relationships outside of our families, we must maintain our boundaries. Professor Smith said,

Both men and women must be very clear about their marital commitments and must be committed to the process of maintaining fidelity within marriage.

President Uchtdorf taught,

Great marriages are built brick by brick, day after day, over a lifetime.

 

And that is good news.

 

Because no matter how flat your relationship may be at the present, if you keep adding pebbles of kindness, compassion, listening, sacrifice, understanding, and selflessness, eventually a mighty pyramid will begin to grow.

A mighty pyramid that will last not only through this life but also through the eternities.

The Role of Mom and Dad in a Family

Mormons believe that the family is sacred and is instituted of God. It should not be taken lightly. Elder L. Tom Perry taught,

The entire theology of our restored gospel centers on families and on the new and everlasting covenant of marriage. In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe in a premortal life where we all lived as literal spirit children of God our Heavenly Father. We believe that we were, and still are, members of His family.

 

We believe that marriage and family ties can continue beyond the grave—that marriages performed by those who have the proper authority in His temples will continue to be valid in the world to come. Our marriage ceremonies eliminate the words “till death do us part” and instead say, “for time and for all eternity.”

 

We also believe that strong traditional families are not only the basic units of a stable society, a stable economy, and a stable culture of values—but that they are also the basic units of eternity and of the kingdom and government of God.

Fidelity to marriage and family isn’t just an earthly commitment but an eternal one—with eternal consequences. You can’t fully appreciate the need for fidelity in marriage if you don’t understand and appreciate how important each spouse is in the family dynamic. Neither is replaceable in a marriage, and neither is replaceable in a child’s life. It takes a man and a woman to create a child, and it takes a mother and father to raise one. The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches:

… By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.

Men and women, mothers and fathers, have complementary roles. Elder Perry said,

Fathers most often spend much of their day away from home in their employment. That is one of the many reasons so much of the responsibility for teaching the child in the home falls on mothers. While circumstances do vary and the ideal isn’t always possible, I believe it is by divine design that the role of motherhood emphasizes the nurturing and teaching of the next generation.

However, in this sacred partnership, the roles of mother and father also overlap. Elder Perry said,

… It is wonderful to see husbands and wives who have worked out real partnerships where they blend together their influence and communicate effectively both about their children and to their children.

Men and women have sacred roles as spouses and as parents. Parents have been given a very solemn trust in the teaching of their children. It is an obligation that we undertake when we welcome them into our home. Elder Perry said,

Lessons taught in the home by goodly parents are becoming increasingly important in today’s world, where the influence of the adversary is so widespread. As we know, he is attempting to erode and destroy the very foundation of our society—the family. In clever and carefully camouflaged ways, he is attacking commitment to family life throughout the world and undermining the culture and covenants of faithful Latter-day Saints. Parents must resolve that teaching in the home is a most sacred and important responsibility. While other institutions such as church and school can assist parents to “train up a child in the way he [or she] should go” (Proverbs 22:6), this responsibility ultimately rests on the parents. According to the great plan of happiness, it is goodly parents who are entrusted with the care and development of Heavenly Father’s children.

Parents cannot effectively teach their children about God and His commandments if they themselves are not setting the example. In fact, how parents treat each other sets the ultimate example for their children. Sister Elaine S. Dalton taught,

How can a father raise a happy, well-adjusted daughter in today’s increasingly toxic world? The answer has been taught by the Lord’s prophets. It is a simple answer, and it is true—“The most important thing a father can do for his [daughter] is to love [her] mother.” By the way you love her mother, you will teach your daughter about tenderness, loyalty, respect, compassion, and devotion. She will learn from your example what to expect from young men and what qualities to seek in a future spouse. You can show your daughter by the way you love and honor your wife that she should never settle for less. Your example will teach your daughter to value womanhood. You are showing her that she is a daughter of our Heavenly Father, who loves her.

The same is true for mothers and how they treat their husbands. Our sons learn the value of men and manhood from their mothers who love, honor and cherish their husbands and their contribution to the home. What do we teach them about the value of men and fathers, or women and mothers, if we dishonor our spouses in any way?

Infidelity Leaves a Trail of Broken Hearts

Infidelity in a marriage leaves a trail of betrayal and broken hearts, affecting not only the spouse but children as well. Professor Smith said,

Common outcomes of physical infidelity include lack of trust, suspicion about unexplained absences, insecurity and uncertainty that can lead to violent possessiveness, confusion about oneself as a man or a woman, intense guilt about the broken covenants, and an emotional chaos that may render a person unable to cope with business affairs, the children, and normal responsibilities.

 

Children, especially, suffer from parental infidelity. All children are sensitive to the kind of relationship their parents have and attempts to conceal true feelings hardly ever work. If the child is over the age of ten, he likely senses something is wrong and either panics, feels responsible, or develops emotional problems because of the lack of positive feelings in the home. Even preschool children sense a lack of love between parents and become uncertain about themselves and their place in the home. Any degree of infidelity, then, ricochets to the child and affects his feelings about himself, his parents, and the general subjects of love and marriage. Infidelity on the parents’ part can actually affect a child’s performance as a marriage partner many years later.

This isn’t to say that infidelity—especially physical infidelity— has to end a marriage. Rather, the road to healing and forgiveness is long and painful for the entire family. The best thing is to strengthen our marriages and families and watch out for any signs of weakness before the cracks turn into canyons. Professor Smith taught,

Like most illnesses, infidelity is easier to prevent than to remedy, and the best prevention is to work hard at developing a good marriage. Temple marriage, entered into with a firm commitment to make the marriage an eternal relationship, is a solid foundation. Strong personal commitment, not only to one’s spouse, but to the institution of marriage as it has been divinely ordained, emphasizes the necessity of faithfulness—not only faithfulness to another person, but faithfulness to our Father in heaven.

 

Trust in one another is an essential ingredient in marriage. The commitment to “cleave” unto the partner and “forsake all others” provides stability.

 

Other factors that foster fidelity include honesty in communication—being personally willing to discuss any subject that concerns you or your partner. Sharing ideas and daily experiences produces emotional intimacy, and such feelings make it natural to behave in loyal ways. Feelings of dissatisfaction, boredom, or irritation are danger signals that need immediate attention.

As moms and dads, we owe it to our children to ensure that we provide a stable home and family environment for them—by honoring our marriage covenants. Fidelity in marriage starts with how we treat each other, how we talk about each other—and how we see each other. As President Uchtdorf taught,

Those who save marriages pull out the weeds and water the flowers. They celebrate the small acts of grace that spark tender feelings of charity. Those who save marriages save future generations.

Having signed the Honor Code, compliance is not a question of fashion or personal expression. It is a question of integrity, which, as President [Spencer W.] Kimball said, “is one of the foundation stones of good character.” [“Building Character,” BYU Speeches, Sept. 8, 2015.]

The bottom line is that every student who attends BYU promises to abide by the Honor Code. But the truth is, you can’t fully appreciate the Honor Code without understanding what Brigham Young University is all about . Elder Neil L. Andersen said,

BYU is a very special place. The Lord’s influence is upon this school. For a young man or woman desiring a university education, it is an oasis of righteousness. For a young disciple of Christ, BYU offers an extraordinary environment for learning, for meeting others, for making important decisions, and for growing spiritually. [“Honesty—the Heart of Spirituality,” BYU Speeches, Sept. 13, 2011.]

The Honor Code is more than just a standard of behavior and dress, it also helps to set the tone for the school and helps to define what, exactly, a BYU education is.

The Aims of a BYU Education

So what, exactly, is a BYU education? Well, let’s start by talking about BYU itself. Brigham Young University is a school founded by the Mormon Prophet Brigham Young after the Latter-day Saints moved to Utah in the mid-1800s. Education was so important to the Latter-day Saints that even as they were building their settlements they were building schools as well. Brigham Young donated a building for a school in 1875, which was named Brigham Young Academy. Mormon scholars Eliot A. Butler and Neal E. Lambert wrote:

The school began with twenty-nine pupils in the elementary program and one teacher, Karl Maeser. In the words of Ernest L. Wilkinson, seventh president of BYU, The school was born in poverty, nurtured in conflict, orphaned by the death of Brigham Young,…left homeless when its uninsured building was completely destroyed by fire, threatened with faculty and administrative resignations because of irregular or missed salary payments, and nearly abandoned on many occasions because of lack of funds…. [At first the academy] was a private school without a sponsor or means of support…. It survived only because of the financial sacrifices made by its faculty and Board of Trustees and voluntary gifts from its friends and from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. [Finally, after 21 years of struggling existence,] the school was incorporated as an educational subsidiary of the LDS Church, which assumed responsibility for its survival.

The name of the school was changed to Brigham Young University in 1903. The university has grown into a well-known, first class educational institution. Lambert and Eliot wrote:

BYU functions under the direction of the Church through a board of trustees that includes the First Presidency, the general presidents of the women’s auxiliary organizations, and selected General Authorities. The university operates on a budget provided by the Church, one-third of which is derived from student tuition.

BYU’s operating budget is heavily subsidized by The Church of Jesus Christ—and the monies come from the tithing funds of LDS Church members. This is just one thing that sets BYU apart. Brad W. Farnsworth, at the time the administrative vice president of BYU, said,

Sacred tithing funds given by faithful members of the Church are used to support the operation of this university. I believe this … is one of the reasons why this campus is holy ground as we consecrate our efforts to your education and preparation for life after graduation. …

 

Although the amount of tithing funds appropriated to the university is significant, it’s not as important for us to know the amount of such appropriations as it is for us to follow President [Gordon B.] Hinckley’s counsel and receive these funds with “a deep sense of gratitude and appreciation.”  [“Reflections on the BYU Experience,” BYU Speeches, Feb. 8, 2005.]

And Brian Evans, at the time CFO and administrative vice president of BYU, said:

… You are a peculiar people. In fact, your education is deemed so important that the board of trustees has determined that the vast majority of the funds necessary to maintain BYU and provide you with a degree should come from the tithing funds of the Church. You are, in effect, all on scholarship. Such a funding decision is not inconsequential, as these resources could otherwise be put to use to bless the lives of Church members throughout the world, including many living in relative poverty. Such a unique arrangement implies a contract of sorts between the university and its students. After all, the scriptures teach that “unto whom much is given much is required.” [“Your Contract with BYU,” BYU Speeches, Oct. 16, 2007.]

President Gordon B. Hinckley said,

This institution is unique. It is remarkable. It is a continuing experiment on a great premise that a large and complex university can be first class academically while nurturing an environment of faith in God and the practice of Christian principles. You are testing whether academic excellence and belief in the Divine can walk hand in hand. And the wonderful thing is that you are succeeding in showing that this is possible—not only that it is possible, but that it is desirable, and that the products of this effort show in your lives qualities not otherwise attainable. [“Trust and Accountability,” BYU Devotionals, October 2, 1992.]

The goals of a BYU education reflect its history and the faith of those who laid the groundwork for it. As President Worthen explained,

The Aims of a BYU Education document sets forth four specific desired outcomes of your educational experience: “A BYU education should be (1) spiritually strengthening, (2) intellectually enlarging, and (3) character building, leading to (4) lifelong learning and service.”

BYU offers an excellent education in a spiritually rich atmosphere. Those who attend walk on sacred ground consecrated by the sacrifices of many others—both past and present. The Honor Code not only establishes standards of conduct that enrich this environment of faith in many ways but is also a teaching tool for those who adhere to it.  

The Honor Code at BYU

The Honor Code is a standard of behavior and dress that is required at all educational institutions owned and operated by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is, in short, a personal commitment to live according to the principles, doctrines and beliefs of The Church of Jesus Christ in daily life both on campus and off. It applies to all faculty, staff and students—even those who are not Mormons.

The Honor Code at BYU has a unique history. President Hinckley explained:

… The Honor Code of Brigham Young University was not initiated by the board and the administration. It is an outgrowth of the action of a group of students who felt strongly that the acceptance of a code of honor by those who attended this school would have a salutary effect upon all.

 

By an evolutionary process it has continued, with modifications, until it has become the standard behavior of those of the university and has been endorsed by its board of trustees. It is for all students to accept and agree to live by—a statement of principle concerning honesty, charity, purity, modesty, and commitment.

 

It is not an inflexible law written in tablets of stone. It is a code of conduct. It is a statement of principles. It is a guide and a reminder concerning expected deportment. It is no more than might be expected of any good Christian, and no less than might be required of one who comes to this great institution sponsored by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The code is a guide, not a rigid set of rules. It does not address every specific issue. It is a table of standards, set forth clearly enough that there can be no question concerning what is expected and yet flexible enough to allow some freedom in application. [“Codes and Covenants,” BYU Speeches, Oct. 18, 1994.]

The standard of behavior includes abstaining from the use of alcohol, tobacco, illegal drugs, pornography, swearing and engaging in premarital sexual relations, obscene behavior, or gambling—and any other behavior that is contrary to the teachings and doctrines of The Church of Jesus Christ.

The dress and grooming standards state that men must be clean-shaven with short hair, and both men and women must wear modest clothing—no short shorts or short skirts. In short, the dress and appearance of both men and women should be modest, neat and clean.

The Honor Code also provides residential living standards and rules for both on-campus and off-campus housing, which includes not allowing members of the opposite sex into student bedrooms and a nightly curfew.

The Honor Code helps to set BYU apart from other institutions of higher learning. Former BYU President Merrill J. Bateman said:

For more than 120 years this campus has had a distinctive character. Strangers who visit are struck by the cleanliness and orderliness of the buildings, the grounds, and especially the people. Although the Dress and Grooming Standards may not seem as important as other parts of the Honor Code, they help us be a distinctive people. I remember visiting other college campuses during the early 1970s while serving as a faculty member at this university. It was the height of the “hippie” period, when long hair, drugs, sloppy clothes, and rebellion were the order of the day. It was so refreshing to return to this campus, to see the clean young people, and to feel the peace that prevails here. [“A Zion University,” BYU Speeches, Jan. 9, 1996.]

The Ecclesiastical Endorsement

The Honor Code is attached to what is called an ecclesiastical endorsement, which is a stamp of approval from your religious leaders indicating that you are, indeed, living the standards of The Church of Jesus Christ and are therefore eligible to attend BYU. For those who are not members of The Church of Jesus Christ, the endorsement must come either from his or her own ecclesiastical leader if he or she is active in a local congregation or the bishop of the local Latter-day Saint congregation in which he or she resides. A non-Latter-day Saint student or faculty member may also receive an ecclesiastic endorsement from a non-denominational BYU chaplain.

While some may see this as another example of Big Brother control or lack of trust, President Hinckley sees it as an opportunity and a reminder. He said:

It is not that we do not trust you. But we feel that you need reminding of the elements of your contract with those responsible for this institution and that you may be the stronger in observing that trust because of the commitment you have made. With every trust there must be accountability, and this is a reminder of that accountability.

 

It is so with the faculty and with all of us. We ask that all members of the faculty, who are members of the Church, be what we speak of as “temple-recommend worthy.” This does not evidence any lack of trust. It simply represents a standard, a benchmark of belief and action. The setting of this standard is not new or unusual. It is not new at BYU or in the Church Educational System, though it has been unevenly applied at times. It is a standard applied widely in the Church.

 

Our thousands of bishops, who stand as common judges in Israel, annually must renew their own temple recommends, as must stake presidents also. The renewal of that recommend becomes a renewal of commitment. We live in a world and in an environment where we are surrounded by the corrosive and erosive elements of the world. We are all human, even though our callings be high and noble. We all need the constant reminder of commitments we have made and standards to which we have subscribed.

The Higher Purpose of BYU’s Honor Code

The Honor Code is aptly named because it is a matter of personal honor and integrity to follow it. Oft-quoted in discussions on the Honor Code is this quote by Karl G. Maeser on the definition of honor:

Place me behind prison walls—walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick, reaching ever so far into the ground—there is a possibility that in some way or another I may be able to escape, but stand me on that floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it. Can I get out of that circle? No, never! I’d die first! [In Alma P. Burton, Karl G. Maeser: Mormon Educator (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1953), 71]

This is the sense of honor and integrity that BYU’s Honor Code helps to instill in its students. Former BYU President Cecil O. Samuelson said,

… Our Honor Code … is often portrayed by the media and others as a set of rules. Although it does contain specifics with respect to honesty, appearance, and general conduct, it is really much more. It is an attitude. It is a personal commitment to live life in congruence with gospel principles. It is our recognition of the importance of others in our university circle and the respect we have for them and their sensibilities, as well as for their rights and property. It is the chalk line we draw around our conduct and our thinking.

This is a trait that serves BYU students well. President Samuelson said,

Another admirable dimension of the Honor Code that will not likely be apparent or even considered by you current students is that it stays with you throughout your lives. With few but notable individual exceptions, BYU graduates are known to be honorable people with integrity in all of its dimensions. We hear this from employers, associates, government and military leaders, and others. [“Why We Appreciate BYU,” BYU Speeches, Jan 10, 2012.]

In addition, the Honor Code helps to elevate our learning. President Worthen said:

We must go to the mountains spiritually if we are to obtain an elevated and ethereal education. It is not enough to gain learning by study; we must also live our lives in such a way that we—both students and faculty—are able to receive inspiration directly from God. That requires adherence to both the spirit and letter of the Honor Code—which was designed not just to distinguish us from other universities but to prepare us for elevated forms of learning. [“Enlightened, Uplifted, and Changed,” BYU inauguration devotional address, 9 September 2014.]

This is not to say that students always see and appreciate the purpose (higher or otherwise) of the Honor Code. But as a graduate of both Brigham Young University and Ricks College (which is now BYU-Idaho), I have carried the spiritual and the educational lessons I learned there throughout my life. That is the goal of a BYU education. Elder Dallin H. Oaks, at his inaugural address as president of BYU in 1971, said,

Our reason for being is to be a university. But our reason for being a university is to encourage and prepare young men and women to rise to their full spiritual potential as sons and daughters of God.” [12 November 1971.]

At the entrance of BYU is the sign: Enter to learn, go forth to serve. This is the object of a BYU education. Elder Richard G. Scott said:

Your objective is not to get through the university but to absorb and use the experiences that can be acquired here, the knowledge that can be obtained through righteous effort, and the lessons that can be learned from consistently facing and resolving the challenges that you will encounter in your academic, social, and private life. The inspiration of the Spirit will help you do that.

 

In this university you not only can learn knowledge essential to your chosen field, but you can learn how to live life to its fullest. As you augment your learning by what you observe and what you perceive by the Spirit, you will greatly increase your capacity to be successful in life. You will be led to establish objectives for life that will likely be more enduring, productive, and satisfying than you otherwise would select. You will discover more of your true potential. [“Learning to Succeed in Life,” BYU Speeches, Sept. 15, 1998.]

What BYU and its Honor Code taught me is that my potential is more than just what I can and can’t do but in what I can and should become: a woman of integrity and faith.

When the Lord declared that “power is not given unto Satan to tempt little children, until they begin to become accountable,” He revealed that this period of childhood and unaccountability was given to children so that “great things may be required at the hand of their fathers.” (See Doctrine & Covenants 29:47–48.)

 

“That great things may be required at the hand of their fathers”! What confidence the Lord has in fathers, and what a responsibility He has placed on fathers! Great things are required of fathers today.

And there are great fathers who are living up to their responsibilities. In middle school, I had a friend who was a pastor’s daughter. She took this very seriously and tried to always choose the right not only for herself, but to honor her father. I was always impressed that she thought so highly of her dad that she didn’t want to disappoint him. The faith of her father was very important to her. His unwavering faith in God helped to shape hers. This has always illustrated the great impact that the faith of a father has on his children. It also reminds me how the faith of my father has helped to shape my own beliefs.

An Example of the Believers

One of the things that I have always loved about my father is that he lives what he believes. In the New Testament, the ancient Apostle Paul counseled Timothy:

… Be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity. (1 Timothy 4:12)

This scripture reminds me of my dad. Much of what I learned from my father was through his example. President James E. Faust said:

… Noble fatherhood gives us a glimpse of the divine attributes of our Father in Heaven. A father should be many things. He should magnify his priesthood and be an example of righteousness. In companionship with his wife, he should be the source of stability and strength for the whole family. He should be the protector and the provider and the champion of the members of his family. Much of his love for his children should flow from his example of love, concern, and fidelity for their mother. By his uncompromising example he should instill character into his children.

My dad set an uncompromising example for his children. He was the first to admit his mistakes and was open and honest in all that he did. He wasn’t perfect, but he tried his best to set a pattern of righteous living and generous service for his kids.

Love for Family

Growing up there were two things that I knew—my mom loved being a mother, and my dad loved being a father. In speaking of defending The Family: A Proclamation to the World, Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson said:

The next principle which calls for our defending voices is elevating the divine roles of mothers and fathers. We eagerly teach our children to aim high in this life. We want to make sure that our daughters know that they have the potential to achieve and be whatever they can imagine. We hope they will love learning, be educated, talented, and maybe even become the next Marie Curie….

 

Do we also teach our sons and daughters there is no greater honor, no more elevated title, and no more important role in this life than that of mother or father?

As a grown woman with a family of my own, I can say that my mom and dad taught us all of these things. They encouraged us to attend college and receive an education. They taught us to aim high but to remember that family must always come first. They showed this through their words and their deeds. When we were little, my dad would give us airplane rides and basically let us use him as a human jungle gym. As we grew older, he was at every concert, sporting event and award ceremony that we had. My parents had 8 children, and my dad made each one feel loved and special. We never felt like a burden but always felt like a blessing.

Elder Larry M. Gibson said:

Fathers, I am sure you have heard the saying “Preach the gospel at all times, and when necessary use words” (attributed to Francis of Assisi). Every day you are teaching your children what it means to be a father. You are laying a foundation for the next generation. Your sons will learn how to be husbands and fathers by observing the way you fulfill these roles.

One of the things that my dad taught was love and respect for each of my siblings. He would not tolerate his children disrespecting my mom or each other. He and my mother cultivated the pattern that President Benson presented on how to be a successful family. President Benson said:

Successful families have love and respect for each family member. Family members know they are loved and appreciated. Children feel they are loved by their parents. Thus, they are secure and self-assured.

 

Strong families cultivate an attribute of effective communication. They talk out their problems, make plans together, and cooperate toward common objectives. Family home evening and family councils are practiced and used as effective tools toward this end.

 

Fathers and mothers in strong families stay close to their children. They talk. Some fathers formally interview each child, others do so informally, and others take occasion to regularly spend time alone with each child.

 

Every family has problems and challenges. But successful families try to work together toward solutions instead of resorting to criticism and contention. They pray for each other, discuss, and give encouragement. Occasionally these families fast together in support of one of the family members.

 

Strong families support each other.

My father’s teaching of this was so powerful that we continue to this day helping each other whenever possible. We love and support one another across the miles that separate us. And we still love to visit with each other as often as we can.

The Power of Scripture Study

My father taught us by example the importance of scripture study. Every morning he would get us up at 5 a.m. to read the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ as a family. And then he would read his scriptures for his personal study. He would rotate through all four scriptures in the Latter-day Saint canon—the Old and New Testaments, the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price. As soon as he finished the books, he would start all over again. He didn’t read his scriptures out of obligation, but out of love for them. He loved all of the stories and would tell us about them. Elder Richard G. Scott said:

Scriptures are like packets of light that illuminate our minds and give place to guidance and inspiration from on high. They can become the key to open the channel to communion with our Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ. …

 

Scriptures can communicate different meanings at different times in our life, according to our needs. A scripture that we may have read many times can take on nuances of meaning that are refreshing and insightful when we face a new challenge in life.

This was true for my dad. But he didn’t keep these insights to himself, he shared them with us. And as he shared his love of the scriptures with me, I too gained a love and respect for the scriptures that continues as I read them.

One of the lessons that my dad taught me through the scriptures was the power of prayer. In the Book of Mormon, a prophet named Alma had a wayward son, Alma the Younger. Alma the son was visited by an angel, who told him:

Behold, the Lord hath heard the prayers of his people, and also the prayers of his servant, Alma, who is thy father; for he has prayed with much faith concerning thee that thou mightest be brought to the knowledge of the truth; therefore, for this purpose have I come to convince thee of the power and authority of God, that the prayers of his servants might be answered according to their faith. (Mosiah 27:14)

My dad took comfort in the fact that the Lord heard the prayers of Alma the father—and my dad knew the Lord would hear his prayers in behalf of his children, too. This was just one of many lessons that my dad taught me through his love for and study of the scriptures.

Love of Learning

My father loved to learn—a love that he inherited from his father. My grandfather didn’t have the opportunity to attend college in his youth, so he read as many books on as many subjects as he could. My grandfather read for the love of reading and the love of learning, and so did my dad. And as my dad discovered new things, he would—and still does—excitedly tell us about them.

Through their example, my father and grandfather taught the importance of learning—which is an essential aspect of life here in mortality. Elder David A. Bednar said:

Learning to love learning is central to the gospel of Jesus Christ…. The overarching purpose of Heavenly Father’s great plan of happiness is to provide His spirit children with opportunities to learn. …

 

You and I are here on the earth to prepare for eternity, to learn how to learn, to learn things that are temporally important and eternally essential, and to assist others in learning wisdom and truth (see Doctrine & Covenants 97:1). Understanding who we are, where we came from, and why we are on the earth places upon each of us a great responsibility both to learn how to learn and to learn to love learning.

I’m grateful to my father and his father for showing me the importance of—and love for—learning.

Importance of Family History

My dad has always loved family history. For as long as I can remember, he would tell me stories about my ancestors. Where they lived, what they did, how they showed their faithfulness to God. He made names like John Borrowman and Austin Hammer come alive and become real heroes for me. Their courage in the face of adversity has inspired me in times of trouble. But they also help to give me an identity, a legacy of faith to pass on to my own children.

But learning about family history is not just about discovering the past. It’s also about binding the generations together. President James E. Faust explained:

Searching for our kindred dead isn’t just a hobby. It is a fundamental responsibility for all members of the Church. We believe that life continues after death and that all will be resurrected. We believe that families may continue in the next life if they have kept the special covenants made in one of the sacred temples under the authority of God. We believe that our deceased ancestors can also be eternally united with their families when we make covenants in their behalf in the temples. Our deceased forebears may accept these covenants, if they choose to do so, in the spirit world.

 

The great vicarious work for our kindred dead in our temples demonstrates both the justice and the fairness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The Prophet Joseph Smith explained the terrible dilemma which would face God’s children without temple work for our dead. Said he: “One dies and is buried, having never heard the Gospel of reconciliation; to the other the message of salvation is sent, he hears and embraces it, and is made the heir of eternal life. Shall the one become the partaker of glory and the other be consigned to hopeless perdition? Is there no chance for his escape?” Fortunately our ancestors will have the opportunity to receive and accept the saving ordinances as we identify them and complete these sacred ordinances for them by proxy. We do for them what they cannot do for themselves. It is a very satisfying experience.

My dad didn’t stop with those who joined The Church of Jesus Christ. He has researched our family lines back centuries—through the Revolutionary War in America and beyond to the clans of Scotland and the Norse Vikings.  His love of family history helped create my own love of family history. President Faust said:

Some who are interested in family history try to enhance their own image by linking up with prominent people. In my own experience it has been quite different. I have been fascinated by learning of some of the unknown, ordinary people whose records tell of heroic lives.

I agree. Brigham Young University has a site called Relative Finder that links to the LDS Family Search site. Together, they tell you to which famous people you are related and how you are related to them. I am related—distantly—to some prominent names. But my favorite ancestor on Relative Finder is John Borrowman, who is my fourth great-grandfather. He may not be famous to the world, but he was famously popular with my dad—who made him famously popular with me.

Fathers Are Special

My dad taught me that fathers are special— because he is special to me. He taught me that there is nothing like the bond between a father and his daughter (or daughters). My dad had 6 girls, and each of us would swear that we are my dad’s favorite. President Benson said:

One great thing the Lord requires of each of us is to provide a home where a happy, positive influence for good exists. In future years the costliness of home furnishings or the number of bathrooms will not matter much, but what will matter significantly is whether our children felt love and acceptance in the home. It will greatly matter whether there was happiness and laughter, or bickering and contention.

 

I am convinced that before a child can be influenced for good by his or her parents, there must be a demonstration of respect and love.

 

President Joseph F. Smith said: “Fathers, if you wish your children to be taught in the principles of the gospel, … if you wish them to be obedient to and united with you, love them! and prove to them that you do love them by your every word or act to them.” (Liahona, The Elders’ Journal, 17 Oct. 1911, pp. 260–61.)

My father showed that he loved each one of his children through his words and his actions. By his example and through his teachings, I learned the faith of my ancestors, a love for learning and the scriptures, the importance of family. He was—and still is—an example of the believers for his children and grandchildren. He and my mother illustrate for me the truth of what Elder L. Tom Perry said:

The most powerful teaching a child will ever receive will come from concerned and righteous fathers and mothers.

The lessons are the most powerful because they last the longest. The truths I learned from the faith of my father continue as I teach my own children. I am grateful to my dad taking the time to pass on his legacy of faith.

Our Redeemer took upon Himself all the sins, pains, infirmities, and sicknesses of all who have ever lived and will ever live. No one has ever suffered in any degree what He did. He knows our mortal trials by firsthand experience. It is a bit like us trying to climb Mount Everest and only getting up the first few feet. But He has climbed all 29,000 feet to the top of the mountain. He suffered more than any other mortal could. (Italics added.)

Jesus Christ took upon Himself our heartaches, trials, tragedies and triumphs—and in doing so they became personal for Him. It is often through these experiences that the Savior becomes personal for us. When we begin to understand this, we begin to more fully understand the Savior Himself. And when we more fully understand the Savior, we gain a greater appreciation and a greater ability to apply these lessons in our own lives. Here are four truths that helped me more fully understand the love that the Savior has for me, personally.

Jesus Christ is Concerned with the One

The scriptures teach that Jesus Christ “numbereth His sheep, and they know Him” (1 Nephi 22:25). It must follow that the Savior knows each one of His sheep—how else could He know if one was lost? For me, this is hard to comprehend. It’s easy to believe that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us—as in all of Our Heavenly Father’s children— but do They really know and love me? After all, with the billions and billions of people who have ever lived, live now or will ever live, how can They have a personal knowledge of one individual? Elder M. Russell Ballard said:

Sadly, in today’s world, a person’s importance is often judged by the size of the audience before which he or she performs. That is how media and sports programs are rated, how corporate prominence is sometimes determined, and often how governmental rank is obtained. That may be why roles such as father, mother, and missionary seldom receive standing ovations. Fathers, mothers, and missionaries “play” before very small audiences. Yet, in the eyes of the Lord, there may be only one size of audience that is of lasting importance—and that is just one, each one, you and me, and each one of the children of God. The irony of the Atonement is that it is infinite and eternal, yet it is applied individually, one person at a time.

This statement brings into focus how profoundly individual the love of the Savior is for each one of us. The scriptures also teach us of the love that the Savior has for us. The New Testament records that “Jesus wept” after seeing the despair and sorrow of Mary and Martha upon the death of their beloved brother Lazarus. (See John 11:1-45.) Of this story, Sister Linda S. Reeves, at the time a counselor in the General Relief Society presidency, said:

Apostle James E. Talmage wrote, “The sight of the two women so overcome by grief … caused Jesus to sorrow [with them] so that He groaned in spirit and was deeply troubled.” This experience testifies of the compassion, empathy, and love that our Savior and our Heavenly Father feel for each of us every time we are weighed down by the anguish, sin, adversity, and pains of life.

 

… Our Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ, know us and love us. They know when we are in pain or suffering in any way. They do not say, “It’s OK that you’re in pain right now because soon everything is going to be all right. You will be healed, or your husband will find a job, or your wandering child will come back.” They feel the depth of our suffering, and we can feel of Their love and compassion in our suffering.

One experience that has helped me feel the individual love of the Savior is in the partaking of the sacrament during our Latter-day Saint Sunday worship services. The Savior instituted the sacrament during His Last Supper in Jerusalem, when he blessed and passed the bread and wine to His Apostles. It is an individual renewal of the covenants made at baptism, one of which is that we will always remember the Savior. But in the last year and a half, this has become even more personal for me. Because now, I can’t have regular bread. So during the passing of the bread, one of the young men must make a special trip back to the table where the bread is blessed and bring me the tray with gluten-free bread. Every time this happens, it is a symbolic reminder to me that the Savior knows and loves me. And each time, I feel the special love that Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father have for specifically for me.

Prayer is Our Individual Communion with God

When Jesus Christ was on the earth, He taught us how to pray. (See Matthew 6:9-13.) Why is this? Because prayer is our personal communication with God in the name of His Son. Elder Richard G. Scott said:

Prayer is a supernal gift of our Father in Heaven to every soul. Think of it: the absolute Supreme Being, the most all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful personage, encourages you and me, as insignificant as we are, to converse with Him as our Father. Actually, because He knows how desperately we need His guidance, He commands, “Thou shalt pray vocally as well as in thy heart; yea, before the world as well as in secret, in public as well as in private.”

 

It matters not our circumstance, be we humble or arrogant, poor or rich, free or enslaved, learned or ignorant, loved or forsaken, we can address Him. We need no appointment. Our supplication can be brief or can occupy all the time needed. It can be an extended expression of love and gratitude or an urgent plea for help. He has created numberless cosmos and populated them with worlds, yet you and I can talk with Him personally, and He will ever answer.

Through our individual prayers, we can commune with our Father in Heaven in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, and come to know Them as They know each one of us. Often we are the ones who distance ourselves from Them—because sometimes it’s difficult to imagine Them always reaching out for us. But They are. Elder Scott said:

Don’t worry about your clumsily expressed feelings. Just talk to your compassionate, understanding Father. You are His precious child whom He loves perfectly and wants to help. As you pray, recognize that Father in Heaven is near and He is listening. …

 

Should you ever feel distanced from our Father, it could be for many reasons. Whatever the cause, as you continue to plead for help, He will guide you to do that which will restore your confidence that He is near. Pray even when you have no desire to pray. Sometimes, like a child, you may misbehave and feel you cannot approach your Father with a problem. That is when you most need to pray. Never feel you are too unworthy to pray.

 

I wonder if we can ever really fathom the immense power of prayer until we encounter an overpowering, urgent problem and realize that we are powerless to resolve it. Then we will turn to our Father in humble recognition of our total dependence on Him.

We pray to the Father in the name of His Son because Jesus Christ is the intermediary between us and our Heavenly Father. Prayer bridges the spiritual gap between us and God. As we do so, we strengthen our relationship with both the Father and the Son.

Coming to Know and Love God Through Our Suffering

I often wonder at the purpose of trials in our lives. Sometimes the hurt and heartache just seem mean. But the Savior said, “They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance” (Mark 2:17). Not only are we all sinners, but we are also all sick, to one degree or another. Sin, pain, weakness, hurt, heartache, tragedy—all are part of the human experience. And all require the Great Physician, Jesus Christ Himself, to heal us.

In the New Testament, the Savior tells of a creditor who had two debtors. One owed 500 pence and the other 50. When they had nothing to pay, the creditor forgave them both. Then the Master asks the question, “Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?” (See Luke 7:41-42.) The same is true of us. The more we come to realize our dependence on our Savior, the more we will appreciate and love Him. Often, nothing brings this complete reliance into focus like our trials and challenges.

The late President Gordon B. Hinckley told a story many years ago about a little one-room schoolhouse in the Virginia mountains where the boys were so rough that no teacher had been able to handle them. Then one day an inexperienced young teacher applied for the position. He was warned about the unruly nature of the boys, but the young teacher accepted the risk. On the first day of school, the teacher asked the class to come up with ten rules and consequences for breaking the rules. They did so, and the penalty was 10 lashes across the back with no coat on. Not too many days later, someone stole the lunch of a big boy named Tom. The thief was located, and it was a scrawny little 10-year-old boy named Jim. As little Jim came to take his licking, he pleaded to keep his coat on. But the teacher said, “You helped to make the rules, and you must abide by them.”

So little Jim took his coat off, revealing no shirt and a bony, crippled body. As the teacher hesitated, Big Tom jumped up and offered take the beating instead. The teacher said, “Very well, there is a certain law that one can be a substitute for another. Are you all agreed?” All agreed, and Big Tom removed his coat. The teacher began hitting Big Tom with the rod, but the rod broke after the fifth strike. The class was sobbing. President Hinckley concluded:

Little Jim had reached up and caught Tom with both arms around his neck. “Tom, I’m sorry that I stole your lunch, but I was awful hungry. Tom, I will love you till I die for taking my licking for me! Yes, I will love you forever!”

Then President Hinckley quoted Isaiah:

“Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrow: . . . He [was] wounded for our transgressions, [he was] bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace [was] upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:4-5.)

Each one of us is, at one point or another, Little Jim. We need something that only the Savior can give. And He has willingly offered Himself as a sacrifice for us. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said:

That first Easter sequence of Atonement and Resurrection constitutes the most consequential moment, the most generous gift, the most excruciating pain, and the most majestic manifestation of pure love ever to be demonstrated in the history of this world. Jesus Christ, the Only Begotten Son of God, suffered, died, and rose from death in order that He could, like lightning in a summer storm, grasp us as we fall, hold us with His might, and through our obedience to His commandments, lift us to eternal life.

As we more fully appreciate what the Savior did for us, we become—in our limited capacity—more like Him. And in doing so, we love Him even more. Elder David A. Bednar said:

There is no physical pain, no spiritual wound, no anguish of soul or heartache, no infirmity or weakness you or I ever confront in mortality that the Savior did not experience first. In a moment of weakness we may cry out, “No one knows what it is like. No one understands.” But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He has felt and borne our individual burdens.  And because of His infinite and eternal sacrifice (see Alma 34:14), He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy. He can reach out, touch, succor, heal, and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do relying only upon our own power.

Service—Following in the Footsteps of the Savior

Jesus Christ taught that the two great commandments are to love God and each other. Elder Ballard said:

It is only when we love God and Christ with all of our hearts, souls, and minds that we are able to share this love with our neighbors through acts of kindness and service—the way that the Savior would love and serve all of us if He were among us today.

 

When this pure love of Christ—or charity—envelops us, we think, feel, and act more like Heavenly Father and Jesus would think, feel, and act. Our motivation and heartfelt desire are like unto that of the Savior.

In our journey to come to know God, we cannot forget to serve one another. That is how our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know us so well—because They have served us. And when we serve others, we are following in Their footsteps. Elder Ballard said:

I believe that if we could truly understand the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ, we would realize how precious is one son or daughter of God. I believe our Heavenly Father’s everlasting purpose for His children is generally achieved by the small and simple things we do for one another. At the heart of the English word atonement is the word one. If all mankind understood this, there would never be anyone with whom we would not be concerned, regardless of age, race, gender, religion, or social or economic standing. We would strive to emulate the Savior and would never be unkind, indifferent, disrespectful, or insensitive to others.

 

If we truly understood the Atonement and the eternal value of each soul, we would seek out the wayward boy and girl and every other wayward child of God. We would help them to know of the love Christ has for them.

It’s one thing to have a personal knowledge that the Savior lives and loves us. But it’s another to know that He lives and loves me personally. When we understand these truths, we can more fully understand and appreciate that Jesus Christ is not a distant being but a close and personal Friend—and Savior.

These virtues aren’t just powerful in the movies—they are superpowers in the real world, too. The scriptures as well as modern prophets and Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints provide excellent examples of these virtues in action. But at the end of the day, do we really understand how powerful these virtues are in our own lives?

Kindness—Not Just for Cinderella

Cinderella is famous for her friendships with the mice in her house and other animals around her. She is kind to everyone, even when that kindness is not reciprocated. Cinderella’s mother, on her deathbed, told Cinderella that kindness is a power that few people truly understand. The late Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin agreed. He said:

Kindness is the essence of greatness and the fundamental characteristic of the noblest men and women I have known. Kindness is a passport that opens doors and fashions friends. It softens hearts and molds relationships that can last lifetimes.

 

Kind words not only lift our spirits in the moment they are given, but they can linger with us over the years. … Kindness should permeate all of our words and actions at work, at school, at church, and especially in our homes.

Jesus Christ set the example of kindness for us. Elder Wirthlin said:

Jesus, our Savior, was the epitome of kindness and compassion. He healed the sick. He spent much of His time ministering to the one or many. He spoke compassionately to the Samaritan woman who was looked down upon by many. He instructed His disciples to allow the little children to come unto Him. He was kind to all who had sinned, condemning only the sin, not the sinner.

Elder M. Russell Ballard said:

The love the Savior described is an active love. It is not manifested through large and heroic deeds but rather through simple acts of kindness and service. There are myriad ways and circumstances in which we can serve and love others.

One way that we can show kindness is in the way we speak to others. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said:

… In this long eternal quest to be more like our Savior, may we try to be “perfect” men and women in at least this one way now—by offending not in word, or more positively put, by speaking with a new tongue, the tongue of angels. Our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and charity, the three great Christian imperatives so desperately needed in the world today.

Another way that we show kindness is in the way we treat others. Elder Wirthlin said:

Each one of us will travel a different road during this life. Each progresses at a different rate. Temptations that trouble your brother may not challenge you at all. Strengths that you possess may seem impossible to another.

 

Never look down on those who are less perfect than you. Don’t be upset because someone can’t sew as well as you, can’t throw as well as you, can’t row or hoe as well as you.

 

We are all children of our Heavenly Father. And we are here with the same purpose: to learn to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves.

The Courage of a Queen

The other piece of advice that Cinderella’s mother gave her as she lay dying was to have courage no matter what. Courage is another virtue that carries a lot of power. Elder Lynn G. Robbins said:

Courage is not just one of the cardinal virtues, but as C. S. Lewis observed: “Courage is … the form of every virtue at the testing point. … Pilate was merciful till it became risky.” King Herod was sorrowful at the request to behead John the Baptist but wanted to please “them which sat with him at meat” (Matthew 14:9). … Many of the New Testament chief rulers “believed on [the Lord]; but because of the Pharisees they did not confess him, lest they should be put out of the synagogue: for they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God” (John 12:42–43). The scriptures are full of such examples.

The scriptures are also full of examples of those who showed great courage in the face of adversity, such as Queen Esther in the Old Testament. Esther was raised by her cousin Mordecai, who worked for the king, after her parents passed away. She pleased the king, and he made her his queen. (See Esther 2:17.) She never disclosed that she was Jewish, per Mordecai’s instructions. Not long afterward, Mordecai angered Haman, one of the leader’s in the king’s court, by refusing to kneel before him. In retaliation, Haman plotted to destroy not only Mordecai but all of the Jewish people.

Sister Mary Ellen Smoot, at the time the LDS General Relief Society President, said:

Realizing the grave danger which loomed over his people, Mordecai pled with Esther to seek help from the king: “For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time, then shall there enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place; but thou and thy father’s house shall be destroyed: and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14).

 

Consider Esther’s dilemma: It was against the law to approach the king without being summoned. Such an act was punishable by death. If she were to remain quiet, she would likely enjoy a life of luxury and ease. She could live the life of a queen or risk her life to save her family and her people. She counted the cost and chose to heed the longings of her people and of her heart.

Esther asked Mordecai and the Jews to fast for three days, and she and her handmaids did the same. She declared:

… So will I go into unto the king, which is not according to law: and if I perish, I perish. (Esther 4:16).

President Thomas S. Monson said:

Esther had gathered her courage and would stand firm and immovable for that which was right.

 

Physically, emotionally, and spiritually prepared, Esther stood in the inner court of the king’s house. When the king saw her, he held out his golden scepter, telling her that he would grant whatever request she had. She invited the king to a feast she had arranged, and during the feast she revealed that she was a Jew. She also exposed Haman’s underhanded plot to exterminate all of the Jews in the kingdom. Esther’s plea to save herself and her people was granted.

 

Esther, through fasting, faith, and courage, had saved a nation.

Esther could truly be described as a scriptural Cinderella (minus the wicked relatives). Raised as the daughter of someone who worked for the king, she found favor with the king and was chosen to be his queen. But her greatness came not in being elevated to the status of royalty but in being willing to sacrifice her status to help save a nation—her people—from destruction. President Monson said:

The call for courage comes constantly to each of us. Every day of our lives courage is needed—not just for the momentous events but more often as we make decisions or respond to circumstances around us. Said Scottish poet and novelist Robert Louis Stevenson: “Everyday courage has few witnesses. But yours is no less noble because no drum beats for you and no crowds shout your name.”

The Magic of Work

Cinderella’s stepmother put her to work in the house, saying that it would help keep her mind off of her sorrow. Ironically, Cinderella’s stepmother was absolutely right. I have to wonder how differently Cinderella’s stepfamily would have turned out had they heeded their own advice. Bishop H. David Burton said:

Today, many have forgotten the value of work. Some falsely believe that the highest goal in life is to achieve a condition in which one no longer needs to work. President David O. McKay (1873–1970) was fond of saying, “Let us realize that the privilege to work is a gift, that power to work is a blessing, that love of work is success.”

 

Work is not a matter of economic need alone; it is a spiritual necessity. … To work—honestly and productively—brings contentment and a sense of self-worth.

Work is not just doing things for ourselves but also reaching out to help others. This is another example that Jesus Christ set for us. Elder James B. Martino said:

Christ was the epitome of service. His life was filled with examples of helping and serving others, and His greatest gift of all was what He did for us. … When we serve others, we forget our own problems, and by working to relieve the pain or discomfort of others, we strengthen ourselves.

Elder D. Todd Christofferson said:

God has designed this mortal existence to require nearly constant exertion. I recall the Prophet Joseph Smith’s simple statement: “By continuous labor [we] were enabled to get a comfortable maintenance” (Joseph Smith—History 1:55). By work we sustain and enrich life. It enables us to survive the disappointments and tragedies of the mortal experience. Hard-earned achievement brings a sense of self-worth. Work builds and refines character, creates beauty, and is the instrument of our service to one another and to God. A consecrated life is filled with work, sometimes repetitive, sometimes menial, sometimes unappreciated but always work that improves, orders, sustains, lifts, ministers, aspires.

Cinderella benefitted from the magic of work while her stepmother and stepsisters languished in vanity, misery and spiritual poverty. She lost herself in the work of serving others, and thus in so doing rose above her circumstances.

Forgiveness is Freeing

Through the love of the Savior, Jesus Christ, we can find the strength to forgive those who have trespassed against us.

In the end, Cinderella frankly forgave her stepmother and stepsisters of their trespasses. She didn’t want to be burdened by the weight of animosity and bitterness that beset her stepfamily. They were ravaged by resentment, disappointment, grief and pride. Unable to see beyond their own circumstances, they sought to elevate themselves by destroying Cinderella. In the end, they did just the opposite. This is true in our own lives as well. If we seek to elevate ourselves by ruining another, we will only succeed in destroying ourselves.

President Boyd K. Packer told the story of a man who lost his wife after the birth of their first child due to the negligence of the traveling country doctor. The man was grief-stricken and angry at the doctor. President Packer continued:

A grieving, heartbroken young man went to see his spiritual leader. … The counsel from this wise servant was simply: “John, leave it alone. Nothing you do about it will bring her back. Anything you do will make it worse. John, leave it alone.”

 

My friend told me then that this had been his trial, his Gethsemane. How could he leave it alone? Right was right! A terrible wrong had been committed, and somebody must pay for it.

However, the man finally decided to get hold of himself and follow the counsel that he had been given. President Packer said:

Then [the man] told me, “I was an old man before I finally understood. It was not until I was an old man that I could finally see a poor country doctor—overworked, underpaid, run ragged from patient to patient, with little proper medicine, no hospital, few instruments. He struggled to save lives, and succeeded for the most part.

 

“He had come in a moment of crisis when two lives hung in the balance and had acted without delay.

 

“I was an old man,” he repeated, “before finally I understood. I would have ruined my life,” he said, “and the lives of others.”

 

… And that is my counsel to you. If you have festering sores, a grudge, some bitterness, disappointment, or jealousy, get hold of yourself. You may not be able to control things out there with others, but you can control things here, inside of you.

In life it is easy to see things from our own points of view, but we can’t always see the whole picture. However, our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ can. It is for this reason that the Savior said, “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (Doctrine & Covenants 64:10). Elder David E. Sorenson said:

This is not to say that forgiveness is easy. When someone has hurt us or those we care about, that pain can almost be overwhelming. It can feel as if … we have no choice but to seek vengeance. But Christ, the Prince of Peace, teaches us a better way. It can be very difficult to forgive someone the harm they’ve done us, but when we do, we open ourselves up to a better future. No longer does someone else’s wrongdoing control our course. When we forgive others, it frees us to choose how we will live our own lives. Forgiveness means that problems of the past no longer dictate our destinies, and we can focus on the future with God’s love in our hearts.

This is the beauty and miracle of forgiveness. And it is found only in and through the example and Atonement of Jesus Christ. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said:

The pure love of Christ can remove the scales of resentment and wrath from our eyes, allowing us to see others the way our Heavenly Father sees us: as flawed and imperfect mortals who have potential and worth far beyond our capacity to imagine. Because God loves us so much, we too must love and forgive each other.

Our Choices Define Who We Are

At the end of the day, our choices define who we are. Like Cinderella’s wicked stepfamily, we can choose to be miserable in our circumstances. Or we can choose to be happy, as did Cinderella. Into each life, some rain will come. But it’s how we choose to deal with the rain and mud that defines our character. Elder L. Tom Perry said:

Those of us who have been around a while … have recognized certain patterns in life’s test. There are cycles of good and bad times, ups and downs, periods of joy and sadness, and times of plenty as well as scarcity. When our lives turn in an unanticipated and undesirable direction, sometimes we experience stress and anxiety. One of the challenges of this mortal experience is to not allow the stresses and strains of life to get the better of us—to endure the varied seasons of life while remaining positive, even optimistic. Perhaps when difficulties and challenges strike, we should have these hopeful words of Robert Browning etched in our minds: “The best is yet to be” (“Rabbi Ben Ezra,” in Charles W. Eliot, ed., The Harvard Classics, 50 vols. [1909–10], 42:1103).

Each of us has a little bit of Cinderella in us—and some of her stepfamily, too. But ultimately, it’s up to each one of us to decide how our fairy tales will end. As President Monson said:

It has been said … that history turns on small hinges, and so do people’s lives. Our lives will depend upon the decisions which we make—for decisions determine destiny.